Hi. I'm Samantha and I'm a controller.
Always planning. Always organising. Always managing.
Many of us do this, and for many of us, it is a useful skill to have when utilised from a place of safety rather than fear.
My need to control came from a place of not feeling good enough and not feeling safe enough, and therefore I needed to ensure that everything went well so that I was safe and so that I didn't look like a failure.
I have controlled the big things in my life such as studying hard to ensure good grades, working ridiculously hard to climb the career ladder and have even sacrificed parts of myself to be someone that someone would want to spend the rest of their life with. But I have also controlled the smaller things too such as every detail for a holiday, for a party, for a gathering, for an event, all in the hope that everyone will have a good time and be happy, thus meaning that I didn't fail and I am safe, either physically or within my position in those groups.
As human beings we try to control so that we feel like we have structure and stability in our lives. But the truth is, the only thing that we are in control of is ourselves, our responses, our thoughts and our emotions. It isn't until something like the death of a loved one, a break up of a relationship or friendship, a pandemic or redundancy/termination at work that we question and acknowledge the limited level of control we actually have.
Not having control does not seem appealing
Change is uncomfortable.
The unknown is scary
Attachment is part of the human conditioning
So what do we do when we feel control of our lives slipping away?
We cling on.
We tighten our grip.
And we fight like hell to hold on to a life that we know.
But what we really need to do is surrender and let go
We can all look back on some of our past and it feel like it was a completely different life and you don't even recognise that person you were in that life. Whether that be a version of you with a ex-partner, or in a different job role or even just your younger self who still had such much to learn and wouldn't even recognise the person that you are today.
And so you have died and re-birthed a number of times in this life. Some you will have paid attention to because they have been painful and possibly not welcomed such as a break up or a redundancy at work, but others will have happened because you felt ready and wanted to change such as moving to a much wanted career or travelling and exploring the world.
Some deaths we want whereas others we resist because they feel scarier, especially when they are not our choice.
But death and re-birth is what we all need because we continue to evolve, grow, flourish and expand, crystallising into the people we were meant be.
If I asked you if you wanted to go back in time and be a previous version of yourself that didn't have the wisdom, the experience, the knowledge that you do now, you would more than likely say no because that version of you fit in that moment of time but does not fit in your present and certainly not in your future.
Nature is a great example of death and re-birth. Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go as the trees drop their leaves so that they can return to the earth as we then head into Winter in which nature rests, dies and hibernates. But as we return to the light Spring emerges with new life and bringing with it the birth of greenery, the colours of the flowers and baby animals and we then head into abundant Summer with the sun in its full power shining bright and alive.
After going through the biggest death of my own self and saying goodbye to numerous attachments and a version of myself that was no longer serving me, I am encouraging you to not fear the death and instead embrace the re-birth.
The process will be so much easier if you do because as with the ultimate death, when it is time, it is time, and there is no stopping it, and so the version of you that needs to die so that the more aligned you can birth will ultimately take place.
By all means feel the feels, release the emotions, practice lots of self care and self love, lean on the people that love you unconditionally. But surrender. Inhale the future and exhale the past.
The version of you that is waiting to be born is worthy of the death and just like the caterpillar you will emerge as the butterfly with beautiful, bright wings ready to fly you to all that awaits.
If you need some support, guidance or coaching then I would be honoured to work with you. So please do get in touch.